" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back? Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?
Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like" Irishman scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your name and address?To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.Down roads of Queen Anne's lace With the young smile on the way Where the swollen summer clouds Breathe high on distant hounds I know a way but I'll ask you all the same Now your heart is twice as strong When the wistful voices call With the softest stranglehold Of an endless undertow I know the way but I'll ask you all the same Do you know how far we've come? Here is wide selection of Irish jokes, from the dry to the dumb.He went to his doctor, and told the doc that he couldn't stand his sex life like this any more; he wanted to be castrated.The doctor told Big Mick he didn't think that such drastic measures were called for, but Mick persisted."Big Mick Lonegan was rather active in the area of sexual athletics. "Well, Doctor, I'm thinkin' I have sex with maybe twelve -- fifteen of the lasses each week..an av'rage week," he boasted. But the banshee of Old Age is persistent, and finally Big Mick admitted defeat..a sort.He was...well, stud is probably the best description. He was determined to salvage what he could of his dignity.Finally the doctor agreed to perform the operation.Two days after the surgery, Mick was sitting in one of the local Irish-style taverns, sucking on a beer and trying to ignore the still-present pain.