Dear Christina, Before I give you the pep talk you need, let me first acknowledge the painful truths that you’ve eloquently outlined above. Having four kids under the age of 9 is a huge handicap.
I’d try to spin it in a slightly more positive way, but I can’t.
Instead of dating cute 34-year-old single guys who don’t have kids, how about you date cute 43-year-old guys who are in the exact same spot in life, who understand your predicament, who have obligations of their own, and who will be delighted to meet a woman who gets THEM.
You shouldn’t quit because single men your age want sex and more time. So I stay away from that for the same reasons that men stay away from women with children..
Put yourself in their shoes and it’s pretty easy to see.
The fact that you’re caring, kind, loyal, warm, and intelligent means that you have a lot going for you and will ultimately make a guy very happy.
I am not looking for a provider; I provide very well for myself.
I just want a friend and a companion and someone who I have chemistry and intellectual compatibility with.
Even if I really take my time getting to know someone before we become intimate… Don’t hear from him for days, I assume it’s over…then a text with, “hey are you home tonight? Is it unreasonable that I am hoping someone could take me seriously or see my worth?Maybe your ex shares custody and gives you weekends off, but I think we can all agree that women with four kids have less available time than women without four kids.And if the greatest gift a woman can give a man is her time, who are men going to gravitate towards – the harried mom who has to manage four lunches, babysitters, soccer practice, and bedtime routines – or the one who is blissfully unencumbered by such essential responsibilities? He's immature and can't hold a job, he's unreliable and I can't see him owning up... he's nervous about it, which affects his attitude, then he gets in trouble, because he irritable, and cranky and mean and crying, and whining and... I've been separated from my abusive husband for over a year now and have been legally divorced for 4 months. It has its ups and downs but ultimately they push me to do and be my best... Not all single mothers are looking for a guy, to replace daddy. I haven't told him, and I'm battling with myself on if I should.As a screenwriter, I don’t know if you live in LA or not, but this is a town where people don’t grow up for a really long time.I got married at 35 and had kids at 37 and 39 and I was ahead of most of my friends.There’s no way that I – or most men who don’t have their shit together – would willingly enter into a relationship with a woman who has so many other responsibilities, the way all moms do.At risk of making myself look bad, I once dated a single mom of a two-year-old.So instead of giving up on the whole thing – which, as you know – is incredibly shortsighted, given that you have 50 more years on this earth, how about you change focus?Middle-aged divorced men understand what it’s like to be you.